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Many times couples seek out therapy for a variety of reasons. San Diego Marital satisfaction and intimacy therapy might be the one the biggest reasons couples seek us out for help. Perhaps things are not working smoothly in you marriage. Perhaps communication has completely been lost. Perhaps sex has dwindled to a trickle. Maybe you and your spouse struggle finding anything in common despite the fact you used to do everything together. These are all very normal components of marriage and the struggles ALL married couples can struggle with at times. Our goal as therapists at Matthew Bruhin & Associates is to help you and your spouse learn new tools and rekindle and re energize the bond that helped wed you not so long ago.

The therapists in our office have several useful models they use to help achieve intimacy and marital satisfaction. We utilize John Gottman’s method of looking at several components that lead to marital dis-satisfaction. They are:

  • Criticism:  Attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong.
  • Generalizations: “you always…” “You never…”“you’re the type of person who …” “why are you so …”
  • Contempt:   Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her.
  • Insults and name-calling: “bitch, bastard, wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy…” – Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery – Body language & tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes, curling your upper lip
  • Defensiveness:  Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack.
  • Making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a certain way) “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…”
  • Cross-complaining: meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your own, ignoring what your partner said.
  • Disagreeing and then cross-complaining “That’s not true, you’re the one who …” “I did this because you did that…”
  • Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing.
  • Repeating yourself without paying attention to what the other person is saying.
  • Whining “It’s not fair.”
  • Stonewalling:   Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness: – Stony silence – Monosyllabic mutterings – Changing the subject – Removing yourself physically – Silent Treatment

After learning what to avoid, our therapists work to heal and encourage positive and depth oriented intimacy. One example of this is working with Emotionally Focused Therapy. This Therapy was pioneered by Due Johnson and can be tremendously helpful in increasing marital satisfaction by focusing on vulnerability and genuine openness. By utilizing this and other systemic models, help build and creat functional growth for you and your spouse.

At Matthew Bruhin & Associates we help couples of all ages, cultural backgrounds, and sexual preference, build the marriage that secures them for life. There is no better partnership in life than that of a loving spouse. We help you create, learn and uncover the essential components to the healthy marriage that will last you a lifetime. If you are in need or marital repair, or simply need to learn new tools or have help through a difficult time. Matthew Bruhin and Associates clinical staff is ready to help take your marriage to where you are trying to go. Call us today at 619-683-3774 to schedule an initial consultation.

Matthew Bruhin & Associates offers addiction treatment services, counseling, and therapy to people living in greater San Diego County including:
La Jolla, North Park, Hillcrest, University Heights, Downtown San Diego, Point Loma, Mission Hills, South Park, Bankers Hill, UTC, La Mesa, El Cajon, Chula Vista, Pacific Beach, Ocean Beach, Old Town, Mission Valley, Del Mar, Rancho Santa Fe, Encinitas.